ONE: THE HOSPITAL
It was how he tret Ben, my bairn not his, decided it for me.
Ben couldn’t walk. I took him into hospital.
I wanted to stay with him, to get out of the house and away from my husband. He said it was my duty to stay with Ben. He would have nothing else.
I decided to stay with Ben over night. They had no beds so I had to sleep on an armchair.
Husband visited in the morning. I lifted up my head to say ‘Hi.’ and he
marched back out the ward. He came back a few minutes later and told me ‘I want to see you outside – now!’ Ben was worried all over his face with what had
been happening at the house, what he was going to do to me.
Anyroad my husband outside the ward tells me I ignored him! I should have thrown my arms around him and kissed him. He was shouting and bawling. Shaking his fist underneath my nose. He said I should take an afternoon off. Spend more time with him not Ben.
I wanted to spend as much time as I could away from him not with him. Ben even tried to persuade the hospital to let me and him stay in the hospital a little
My husband used to sit on the window le4ge and half look at me and say , You
don’t know what power I have do you?’ He’d say ‘Come over here. And he’d point to the stars and say it was he that wrote the book. He’d been here a long time. His power was from God to do evil or good.
It was his eyes that got me.
TWO: THE CRACK
Ben wanted to be with his dad. His real dad. I told him he could.
Then I told my husband downstairs, who screamed ‘I’ve had enough. I’ll kill
I decided to move away, again.
He lay awake. ~ perceptive as me. I got up at 7. Quietly got Ben up. Told him not to make a noise.
I didn’t know where I Was going.
.. Anyway he woke up didn’t he and said, ‘Where are you going?’
‘I’m leaving you.
and he replied
‘Where shall we take the children today?’
Up till then he’d never taken them anywhere. He said,
‘I’m not being dictated to by your ex-husband or these soft, undisciplined brats.
Bitch. He was upstairs shouting from the landing ‘Bitch.’ at me in the hallway. ‘Go and put your fist in the ear of that nine year old brat.
He was like that.
He’d give me a crack.
I’d give a crack back like,\ but it’s not the same is it?
I can’t suss him out.
One day he calls me beautiful and stunning. Next day I’m an ugly bitch,
a whore, a tart.
We’ve always understood one another more than ourselves.
We always rub each other up the wrong way.
I caught him once
or twice with my friends. Touching them up
in the kitchen
at a house party we had.
He said he was comforting them. I looked at him for at least five minutes moving up against her before I said anything.
He always had an eye for women.
Once I banged one of these friends
up agin a wall and told her straight hands off or I’d crack her one.
They were all after him. Handsome bastard.
He used professional techniques, trying to . ..
brainwash me and the kids, cut us off from family and friends. I was having none of this.
Anyway I moved him out.