one door closes (oaksong 3)

moors were once forests
 national parks heavy industrial
 this oak headland a pitsite

 lads snap off livelimbs
 anarchic coppicing
 black dogshitbags sway
 on limbs left alone

 don’t visit in a storm
 oaks are lightningtrees
 people can be oaks

 oakgroves of druids
 duir means a door
 exit and entrance

 raw open wounds of sacrifice
 still bleed sap

 this hand has molded
 a garden out of wildlife
 words out of nonsense

 she used to say “when
 one door closes
 another opens”

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oaklimbs and leaves (oaksong part two)

I watch the traffic lights
 consider a walk this way or
 a green man allows me
 to avoid bloodied bone

 my mouth and ears
 thresholds and doors
 full of oaklimbs and leaves

 reborn I stretch down
 to deep dark moist

 I stretch up to cloudlight
 barkskin palmtouched
 I let others breathe
 shelter and endure

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two places at once (oaksong part one)

How can you be in two places
 at once? I asked. A Christian
 friend replied ” You can have
 one foot inside the door
 and the other foot outside.”

 You would be forever
 on the threshold, neither
 one nor the other, or both.
 A fence sitter, neither
 Summer or Winter
 God or Man.

 Would you sacrifice the other
 to be wholly another? To step
 in and close the door
 shut out the weather
 from the other side.

 Are you coming in or what?
 Your letting in a right breeze?
 Put wood in the hole.
 Decide whether your in or out!

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the hill in the light + audio

 

 https://m.soundcloud.com/paul_laurence/the-hill-in-the-light

in the hearing of pigeons
cooing in the twilight
you can hold out to the dark land
make the crunch of your boot
squelch in the hard washed
and screened lives of miners

all to be buried again. Beneath.
If going beneath into pressured dark
who but the ghost of ‘Jacksy’.
All to be buried like Gary Jackson.
They called him ‘Jacksy’ in the showers.

It was on a Wednesday. Seven days
after his thirty seventh birthday
he did not want to spend three quarters
of a shift cleaning the belt. He was
spading muck from a belt wheel
with his mate seventeen year old ‘Big’
Mick. His spade got caught in the wheel
he should have stopped beforehand.

Belt drew him in. Cut his head neatly
into two pieces. In a snap of the fingers
Mick simply watched it happen.
The slow cut. A second passed.

It took seven men to peel and carry Gary
from the belt. The funeral took place
on the third day. ‘Big’ Mick was given
a month’s leave. He never recovered.

After his leave Mick had a seated job
down the belt on which Gary had died.
Suddenly and throughout the day
he was called on the pit phone by another
miner calling himself “The ghost of Gary
Jackson”. He could tell it was another
miner. They put a notice up in the showers
and the phone calls stopped.

A great mound of slag is being reseeded.
They have spread the difficult earth.
Taken him from a birth in the pressured dark
and scattered his broken body as waste
and reseeded with hawthorn, fern willow
and couch grass. These plants knit
together the broken flesh. His pieces
reassembled into a hill in the light.
His broken body held tense by roots
fed by rain and light. He is different now.

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removal of the dead

cells to be scrubbed
 from the skin or fall
 pushed by newer cells

 cells as dust to be
 vacuumed, dusted
 stubborn stains on tv
 tables, ornaments

 clean millions of
 your dead selves
 everyday helped
 by little mites

 inert mouse in backyard
 our cat has chucked
 in the air again, again
 as if both
 are two partners
 in a dance

 she laid out her step father
 but won’t hang
 washing in the yard
 until the dead mouse
 is green-binned

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the apologetic life

late exit

 late bus

 apologies

 broken down bus

 apologies

 late entrance

 apologies

 penalised

 pay docked

 angry callers

 apologies

 late home

 apologies

 restless night

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I’m let go

I’m cold toast
left in the rush

I’m unused loo paper
left on wet floor

I’m spilt shampoo
left in empty bath

I’m a crisp new
P45.

I’m a warm hand
in my child’s warm hand

I’m needed.
I see that now.

********

In England a P45 is what your employer gives you when he sacks you

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competence

As if you could
 work without fear
 of making mistakes

 the “Paul, I’d like a word…”

 work without worry
 of targets not reached

 the “Paul, are you happy here..”

 work without the dole
 and it’s keen edge

 that hovers
 .        above
 .        your
 .        head

 because you are unimportant
 easily replaceable
 a bum on a seat

 because you have to pay
 for your home
 for your insurances
 for your illusion of steadiness

 the “Paul, I’m sorry we’re going
 to have to let you go.”

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intake

a deadly breath from the Sahara
 air pollution
 diesel
 strong exercise is warned against

 sniffles
 passages block air
 pollen perhaps

 pack work bag
 hope their air conditioning
 works like it wasn’t yesterday

 breathe easily
 you’ll make it

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working is reworking

sunlight
 warmth makes me
 even less interested
 at work

 she is retiring
 already has a date
 she is older than me
 she will get bored

 I need part time
 use space to the full
 not used to applying
 rescue my cv

 writing is rewriting

 living is reliving

 working is reworking

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